Cosmic Alchemy

I had to learn how to love myself
I had to learn how to put myself first
I had to discover my Truest Human Alignment
I had to Practice holding that configuration, that pose, that breath
I had to seek, find, maintain that balance
I had to so totally focus on the Me part of the One so that I could fully come on line
I had to fully transmute all that energy of compounded lies
I had to burn it all as part of my cosmic alchemy
I had to align myselfs through All Time/No Time
I had to delve into my own Akash and heal, transmute, align all those left behind bits
I had to complete that which I shrugged, shirked, failed, rejected, dismissed
I had to sit, plop, fall heavily into all the failures, rejections, misses, horror, drama, traumas
I had to bring it all up for review and revision like vomit followed by bile
I had to contemplate forgiveness from every angle

Yes, forgiveness
How can I forgive You if I cannot forgive myself?
You are Me
I am You
We are all One in MoreThanLove
MoreThanLove encompasses all the love, all the shades, all the shadows, all the tears, all the fears, all the failures, all the gold, all the coal, all the heat, all the cold, all the nuances of incompletion

Agreed

I couldn’t love you until I learned to love myself.

We agreed to this morass. We entered into the glom blinded, conflicted, convoluted, confused. We agreed to this stance with an eagle’s eye view to the long game believing we could go the distance, hold the tensions of separation, use the codependency platform to ensure a quagmire of challenges, to incubate change, clear karma once and for all Lifes that came before. Breaking hearts, mostly our own, to get the job done.

I agreed to be shackled
I agreed to be blinded
I agreed to the challenges inherent in life in this gravity of Time and Space
I agreed to marry him
I agreed to these lessons
I agreed to be misunderstood by you
I agreed to be misjudged
I agreed to separation within separation

I have no regrets. Just because I have no regrets doesn’t mean that my heart isn’t broken open, a seething wound of healing, an open sore pulsating with all the eons of lies and misconfigurations, a steaming pile of shit-stench rising, clearing, cleansing, releasing. This is the lesser known underside of LoveMoreThanLove. This is the Love grown out of the compost of the transmuted transmuted. This is where the raw, roiling organic energies wriggle and writhe in Becoming. Where the decay and the miracle meet. Where WhatOnceWas becomes the prima materia of NOW where all the components meet, buzz, thrum into a Life co-mingled with the Sun Energy Divinity. Pay attention to the observation that is Love, Love Undone to Become Your Love, My Love, Our Love, the Love unified in a Field we dreamed of millennia ago and longer ago than that.

You are your own Light
You are your own Dream
You are your own Configuration
You are your own Wisdom

We are not lost to one another. We are not gone from the Heart of Who We Are, have always been. It just seems that way from this vantage point, this fractal, this turn, this spin, this momentary trajectory in Time. We are not victims of Time, this construct we agreed to be blinded by for a Purpose, a Mission, a Reason greater than our personality selfs can see or know until we rise from the stinking pile of shit that is the human condition confined by the parameters of codependency and Mothyrdom.

Now

I honor you in the Love of the Oneness that we are
I honor you in the respect of the One that we are
I honor you in the trajectory of your personal quest to transcend your individual karma in this Time and Space
I honor you in your sorrow, sadness, blindedness
I hold you ever strong, ever wise, ever brave in the Golden Liquid Light that is our Eternal connection to the Love that we are One of
I hold you so tender in the Highest Vibration of Golden Violet White Light Pinkened by the undulating, cavorting rhythms of Love in Love, Love of Love, Love surrounded by Love Love is Love (English words taken over by LightCode where words are too slow, too narrow, to restricted.)

Cocreative Collaboration

Cocreative Collaboration

Healing Frequencies Look Like This

Healing Frequencies

Frequency of Change

Dragon Code

Dragon Code

Code-versation 

Light Code

Soulversation

Reconnective Healing Is...

The Reconnection

Into the Swirl

Lavender skies morning rise pungent light 

whispers inside burgeoning eloquent

 mystic longing benevolent divine

 being present love eternal timeless

Everything Quantum

The Strangeness of Estrangement

The Strangeness of Estrangement is found in the

Space and Time between the Above and the Below

Wonder and Worry and Fear and Indecision linger in the periphery

Untoward are the Undercurrents of Change

Relinquish Mothyrdom to Courageous Trepidation in

Whirling dreams fraught with tenacious commitment to the All That Is

The More Than Love configuration of Promise made is unremembered 

Eloquent is the quiet rhythm and flow that is Shift

 The Presence of Being is the shape of change in the

Strangeness of Estrangement

* A Mother's Worry and the Healing Journey *

Trees.

There are always trees.

Trees 

rising and descending valiantly in both directions, 

seen and unseen,into the light and into the dark, 

burrowing heroically into the atmospheres 

of earth below and sky above, 

naked, vulnerable, exposed, 

beautiful 

in revelation 

and nuance, 

divine lines

holding fast, 

shuddering in the

 cold January winds, 

poised against the blue of the sky

to defy the ever present desperation of miseries 

both defined and denied, known and unknown.

Then I remember that there are trees.

There are always trees.

Ride On!

Acadia National Park

Cadillac Mountain Road

September 2015

 Ride on!

The Living Energy of I Am Not

The challenge is in building the bridge between all of the I Am Not to the I Am. Joined in Trust and Relationship there is a richer, fuller surrender to the I Am Not into all of the I Am that Together represents. The discovery of Energy that begs the question, What About Right Now? is the prima materia for co-creating this unique bridge, a bridge that is not fixed but malleable, living, organic. There is a new element of trust that is required now. Trust without a promise of understanding or having to KNOW the intricate details of an end result.  This is not blind trust, but rather confidence in the mirror of soul to soul connections where nothing is more sure or more sane or more divine than simply being human.

"I am not a musician, I just express myself through music," said Frank Tedesso, the poet, not-musician, wordsmith, creator of passionate connections through energy and rhyme.

 

And me? What About Me?

I am not a Wife.
I am not a Mother.
I am not a Lover.
I am not some Other.
I am not a lot so that I can be a lot more of the all of the I am.

All of the preceding I Am Not energy is mirrored in the forward momentum of I Am energy.

All that I am is not seen in the confines of a label that restricts imagination.
I am discovery.

I am flow.

I am diversity personified.

I am imagination.

I am possibility.

I am hope.

I am my dreams come to fruition.

All of the I am remains open, pure, raw, unrefined by time, unconfined by space.

Nothing could more important than leaning into the open flow of I am where it meets I am not for without one I cannot be another.

Under the Infuence of Mountains

Under the Influence of Mountains

Under the Influence of You

Underneath

Rising and Roiling Stilled

Conjoined Confluence Continued

Where the Mountains meet the Sea

Where the Rivers meet inBetween

Under the Influence of Mountains

Under the Influence of You

Where the Mystics Meet

and all the places inBetween

Alchemy and the Other Death

"I hate this suffering," she groaned.  "I hate when Death feels us up and contorts beauty misshaping it to ultimately clarify it purging us through breaking every last vestige of our antiquated notions of Being." 

Alchemy.

Yes. Don't we all hate that? There are many deaths that we die whilst living a full and rich lifetime. It's painful. It's breathtaking. It's doubt incurring. It feels hopeless and terrifying. We wonder if it's all worth it. Thus we learn that sometimes we need to make allowances. We make room. We adjust. We align and then we realign. We do this physically to get more comfortable. We do this Spiritually to get closer to the Divine. We do this in increments of refinement through heart and mind. 

          Alchemy. 

Death carves and manipulates us like a sculptor who sees more within the marble facade of all we've ever been through previous incarnations and all that we presently are. Here, then, NOW we are dying Death one more time for what we might become as we perpetually reincarnate into our own Life's Light. Again. Time and time again. Yet, we rise up through the dark abyss of decay tendered, marinated, softened, honed, sensitive, mewling, hungry and naked. Within this framework we are made New.

                    Alchemy.

When there are no words and only feeling, we feel into the womb of the dawn at the center of belonging. We create Light from the Dark through the Alchemical processes. This is no small feat. And we merge with the very essence of the Everything Else we cannot see but Know is there. We cannot know anything with any kind of articulation from within the darkness of this kind of Creation, we can only BE the presence of the essence of the divinity within thereby Allowing for the Surrender to Realignment whilst connecting more fully, truly and deeply to the Source of our of Soul Place. 

                                   Alchemy.

This is, perhaps, the greatest gift a Dark Night of the Soul bequeaths to us.

To Name or Not to Name?

To name or not to name? Either way, it's all the same. Love is the poetry of our lives or do I mean Poetry is the Love or our lives? Perhaps less refined and honed today than yesterday, what is Love but all the ways we are ever pulled heart in heart, soul in soul by our longing for connections richer, deeper, vaster, truer?

To Name or Not to Name

Dreamscape of Revelation

 Be Fully 

Present in the 

Moment of 

Change

 Transformation

From Dusk to Dawn

Lightning before Thunder 

Igniting the Sky

Revealing Stark Truths 

Hidden Beneath 

Rustling Leaves of

Change

Transformation

Be Fully Awake in the  Dreamscape of  Revelation

Becoming ~ Beaconing ~ Alight

Truths of Divinity Bequeathed

Broken

He said, "Don't you know that I'm broken?" You responded, "We're ALL broken."

Broken.Broken.Broken.Broken.BroKen.BrokeN.

The word echoes and reverberates in the energy between us and radiates outward looking for a place to land. Like a buzzing bloodthirsty mosquito it hovers around my aura looking for a place to light, sting, suck, welt me. Making a thorough assessment of my memory banks and history, Broken shrugs and moves along.

Broken has the tendency to imply defective and unwanted. We tend to cast broken things aside and dismiss them. We toss Broken things down the basement stairs or out the back door thinking we'll take them to the dump later; maybe. Maybe we do. Maybe we don't. The dump won't even take some Broken things. Ever seen a television on the side of the road as you're driving along? How about an old mattress or December's Christmas tree? Broken tends to imply unwanted or, at best, no longer wanted.

Then I think about all the things that are broken that we revel in and wouldn't quite be the same if they weren't Broken. Things like coconuts, geodes, avocados and pinatas. We break into song or laughter. We break into a piggy bank to roll up the coins for a trip or a toy or a dinner. We break from a huddle to play football and we break bread to celebrate family.

So, "Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free."

Rumi (Translation by Coleman Barks)

Heart of the Soul...

all I've ever 

really

truly wanted 

from the very first 

memories of memory 

is this knowing 

without understanding 

that this is what I wanted 

because 

it's not a head thing...

it's a heart thing...

it's the heart of the soul

What Once Was

At best, Relationships have a natural ebb and flow. At worst, driven by stormy seas of change and circumstance, Relationships crash and then smash against the rocks thereby eviscerating them. When this happens we are left with the remnants and fragments of What Once Was scattered in pieces all around us. We are challenged, then, to survey these ruins and contemplate salvage. But it takes a minute to stand in the middle of it all. It takes a minute to fully realize that What Once Was is good and truly gone. Does it matter, then, how we got Here? What's Broken is Broken. We're Here. Now. So, Now, we must start where we are and Now we must  go on.

This is a critical part of any Life. This is Journey and Life's Journey pulls, pushes, cajoles, manipulates, conflicts, confuses, slays, breaks, shakes, presses, squeezes, tests, questions... On and on it goes.  Life takes us in very different directions than we may have envisioned when we started this thing called Relationship. Though sad, it is also True. And we can respect and honor the Journey, the Courage, the Sorrow and the Pain of all of What Once Was between us.

"Are You A Reason, Season, or a Lifetime?

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown"

"Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure." Rumi