Following the Pull of Divinity within as it speaks in quiet
whispers beneath the din of the soulversations all around
Living from Soul in every moment is Courage.
Loving from Soul generates Miracles.
Leading from Soul is Magic.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

Something About Memory

Something about Memory
Something about Truth
Something about You
Something about Me
Something about Love

It's always been heart to heart, soul to soul with You and Me. Right from that very first day when you turned the corner out of radiology into reception. I heard you before I saw you. You saw me before you heard me. "Where have you been," you asked incredulously? "I've been looking for you all over the place!" Taken aback, I was speechless. "I'll be right back," you said as you carried your films into the ER. That's You, Knowing long before I even really knew what Knowing was. But you taught me. You taught me so much in our short time together.

We were Brave
We were Bold
We were Scared
We were True
We were Love
We were Tears
We were Laughter
We were Music

What would our lives have been without each other? I remember whilst I was fighting the falling thinking, "I don't want to live with regret." Then, I let go and the falling was terrifying and thrilling and never just one thing. EVER! In some ways it felt like the scene in Twister where they are driving toward the tornado, debris crashing down all around them. Like them, we just had to keep going because what else could we do? There was heartbreak. There was judgement. There were so many tears followed by laughter and music and eating shrimp on the beach and watching phosphorescence in the ocean. I keep thinking about those sparkles and colors. It's one of those memories that rises unbidden and it floats in the sweet heat of summer. And I can feel us standing there hand in hand, arm in arm holding the Energy of the presence of Divinity without words.

And you said, "Stay with me."
And I said, "Stay with  you."
And we said, "I love you."
And we rode the wave of Together through all the turmoil of Breaking Hearts to enter deeper into Soul.


We were our best selves when we were Heart to Heart, Soul to Soul and I loved it when you called me Baby and we Resonated in a clear frequency of WE. What we went through to be together was a lot. We tried. We lived. You followed your Dreams and your Dreams brought you to me where we dreamed dreams together. And we pushed past our expiration date because why wouldn't we try to HOLD on to all that we were to each other? Why wouldn't we PUSH? Why wouldn't we CLING? Letting go and Leaving...HARD! So fucking HARD! Hard to LEAVE and HARD to be LEFT (it was always about the left side with you)when the LOVE is still so STRONG.

Ashlin, old, old Soul that she is, asks me about your tattoo. Her eyes fill with tears as she gently touches the heart split in two right down the middle. She understands MISSING. She says, "This is because you miss her so much." And we hold that moment in the Truth of life's longing for more moments we know we will not get in the configuration of What Once Was. We fill in the spaces and gaps with Love and Knowing and Truth and Belief that the Spirit lives on through it all, time after time, life after life, eternal. 

I am not through learning from loving you. 

I just cannot say to You, "Rest in Peace" because I just don't believe You are resting. How can you rest when you are no longer in "pain that only strength can conceal"? How about, "Pain Free ~ May you continue to Follow Your Dreams, rising higher and higher on the Music that You are." I'll see you there. I'll feel you everywhere. As ever, you remain the part of Me that belongs to You in the creases where Infinity meets Divinity.

Something about Memory
11.4.59 ~ 6.22.13

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