Waiting....

I climb the two short flights of stairs, push the little red button of Allowing into the inner sanctum of The Place. The Residents sit in chairs pointed askew,random, higgedly piggedly. There is a wheel chair clad gentleman planted in the center of the hallway like a policeman at an intersection directing traffic. There is a group of women gathered around a table in a gaggle of faded used-to-be-teenage girls in a high school cafeteria.  I scan for her, darting my eyes from one to another, searching, until I spot her sitting alone at her own table immersed in an orb of Memory Fantasy. All else fades out as I tune into psychic blur as I approach her. "I've been WAITING for you!" Her familiar face is suffused with joyful recognition. I feel the Truth of her Soul. She has things to convey today.

We move to her room and perch on her tiny bed. I tend to personal grooming for her though she just doesn't seem to care anymore. Still, my word kept is promise fulfilled.

This is hard. Conversations between me and her are more Convey-versations; Soulversations. These exchanges between us take on a dimension beyond words spoken and become Otherworldly. Our belief and understanding of each other rises out of a life time of commitment to Truth. As I've come to understand Soul Agreements, I understand my relationship with my Mother in new ways; in ways of Knowing that come from connection to SoulSource. The closer she draws to leaving this realm and moving onto Life on the Other side, the calmer she becomes. I feel for frustration but there just isn't any. For though she cannot converse the way she once did, she seems to understand better than ever just what is actually going on. She just keeps touching me, holding onto me. There are split second events where all she would say if her brain and her mouth would allow it come into her Energy Space and are splayed out between us in paragraphs of telepathic gifts for the imbuing. I am a receiver of these wordless gifts and I am Changed. She can Feel my Expansion and kisses me repeatedly like she once did when I was a very small child. The Energy that is the Epitome of Love en-wraps us in the Golden Light of Divinity and we sink more deeply into some other Space and Time that is actually Space-less, Timeless. Here, an occasional full sentence of spoken words spill from here lips.

Then she turns her head and looks into my eyes. I see her Soul and she sees mine. I am humbled and opened. Never once in our 48 years together as Mother and Daughter have we ever seen each other like this. We UNDERSTAND what it was all about. We know in this NOW that every single nuance of every single moment had its reason and its purpose to hone our Soul's for What Comes Next. AND that we couldn't have really, truly KNOWN before this VERY moment the Truth! Otherwise, it wouldn't have worked! All that shit! All that pain! All that dysfunction! All that chaos! All that laughter! Oh, my FUCK! The laughter! It all weaves together to make up the Journey of a Life; of lives woven together in Family for the Experience of a Lifetime! And what we are sharing in this seemingly inane moment in time is recognition, acknowledgement of our SoulAgreement Fulfilled.

There is a certain degree of frustration in the writing of this. There are not words adequate to describe or convey all that passed between us. Perhaps I am not meant to convey the all of this. Not now. This perspective alters my SoulVision to a degree of Clarity and Humility where I simply must reevaluate so many more  pages than just these significant ones between me and my Mother.

I am grateful.

I escort her back to her spot in the dining room but she chooses the opposite facing chair to the one she had been in earlier. I guide her to a safe and comfortable position. Suddenly her face crinkles in mirthful delight. "What? What was that, Mom?" Then she repeats a vocal loop that one of the other residents has been stuck in: "And we fucked and we fucked and we fucked!" Tears stream down her face and her body shakes with her ever present companion; laughter.