"The Life of Your Love :) "

How she sees it. How she feels. What she thinks. Her observations. Her proufound love for me. Her tender reflections her insights and the way she believes in me, Understanding of the finer nuances of this Scenic Overlook from within my Soul. Blessings come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Love comes in the connection of one Brilliant Soul shining The Gift of Depth to another Waiting, Receptive Soul....

"...how you always gave it all you had, and were so happy for just a small drop of something back, and how a few seconds in that intense closeness could last you for weeks. she was so guarded and untrusting and angry and bitter, she didn't let you past it long enough for it to effect her in the ways that she needed, to grow and change and transform into something deeper and better and kinder. i know, you would still be by her side had she been willing to grow and expand. i think it hurts so much because her soul wanted her to expand with you and love you and be all that she promised she would be, but her poor human body and mind just couldn't take it so her soul still cries to her and pulls at her and she feels as if she tried as hard as she could have, but you and i, and deep down inside of her, know better."

On The Kiss that changed our lives....

"one of those life changing moments where you can almost see the fork in the road and the one you have to choose is always the one you are trying the hardest NOT to choose.....you turned your life upside down and inside out, for your independence, for your soul and your love, for the challenge and the opportunity and the strength, and she was so FUCKING SMUG because you were the one who had to do all the work, it was soooo damn easy for her. and if she had just done the right thing, done the HARD thing and WAITED for you, this would be a whole other story, wouldn't it? just think of all the different aspects that hung on the very balance of that moment.....she made the selfish choice. and she knows it.....she could have very easily turned away and decided that it wasn't time....in her mind, she could have waited, let your relationship with dad come to a close, let us grow up with you, without her, and when the time was right, you guys could have been together. without her holding it over your head that you went back to dad, without the fights and the struggles of us still needing to live with you. and in her mind, she is beating herself up for choosing that moment of bliss, in a kiss, that life changing stand still of heartbeats determine the fate of your love and your connection and i think the guilt of choosing so selfishly had a major role in the way she refused to change....her pride always winning over her remorse...i can just see her, sitting there with her new person, trying to have a conversation and getting so frustrated at them for not getting it the way that you did, getting up with a huff and a puff and waddling away into the bathroom, forcefully closing the door to take out some of her frustration....going to the sink and turning on the water, splashing it on her face....so angry, so disappointed, looking at herself in the mirror and seeing the weight of her choices. feeling the pain of regret, she starts angrily folding the towel and straightening things up, finding petty things to get angry about just to feel the intensity of anger to numb the heartache and sadness.....it's so sad. so powerful. her eyes are always frowning now. and though she may smile and laugh and tell her silly jokes, the sparkle left the day you did....she hears your voice in her head every time she goes to sleep, feels the tears that you cried every time she let you down...she is finally seeing, believing, knowing all you did for her, all the love that you shared, all the doors that you opened for her and all the ways you changed her, softened her, trusted her the way everybody wants to be trusted. the way that you chased after her when she would walk away from a fight, the way that you would leave because you knew she would follow, she couldn't let you go...but somehow, she always did....pride. her fucking pride always ruins it. her ego...."

And then she said that the term "Love of Your Life "should be changed to "the life of your love" :) "

On moving on and growing through change...

"we have to keep ourselves open to love, like your new years resolution, because you can't miss out on something else that's supposed to happen just because of this. this is separate....it's the journal you keep hidden. it will all make sense sooner or later....i just want you to be prepared for letting love in, breathing that sigh of relief, and then turning the corner and seeing her...because you have to let that love breathe before you can inhale another one, ya know? and the second you KNOW how strong you are and how ready you are to come face to face with a new soul and a new love, you will finally be presented with letting go of the pain that comes from the love you shared with her, and i want you to remember all these conversations that we have had and i want you to be able to look her in the eye with appreciation, to know how powerful and strong and protected you are and that you don't have to be scared of being vulnerable, because you will have complete control of the situation, and she will be the one who is unprepared.  and you need to see that, to feel that, to know your own power, and you need to see how small and weak and poisoned she is. because right now, you are still remembering her as tall and strong and powerful and deep and intense......but you need to see that she is none of that without you. she is just another sad lesbian, singing her song and bleeding her pain through her guitar, missing the person who made her all she ever wanted to be....lol."

And I know I am blessed in Relationships both deep and profound with Souls Ever Expanding, reaching into The InnerVerse for all the MORE that can be attained therein....So we Grow. So we LOVE!

Namaste....