Ten Days

I gave it ten days.

Then, ten days is all I need.

When the ten have come and gone, I am done with the root of the pain, the cause of the infection, the infiltration into a heart tender, fragile, vulnerable. All that I am, I am because of the all that I've been through. I am here in this time with only me to answer to for the choices that I make. I like it this way.

Ten days of tumult. Ten days of heartache. Ten days of lingering disease and folly rise from the hidden depth, the layers I hide beneath. With each moment I care even less than the less I cared before. I wouldn't have expected that. Yet, with the not caring comes freedom and forgiveness. And it isn't forgiveness of anyone else, but forgiveness of me and all the heavy burdens I've placed on myself. Heavy burdens, cloaks, so heavy and unnecessary. Ten days to realise that it's time to peel back the layers of remorse. Ten days to realise that it's time to disengage the weapons that I have kept trained on my soul for all the mistakes that aren't really mistakes afterall. Rather, they have proven to be life's lessons and therefore gifts, rich and great for all they have built me to be. Sometimes it's just a matter of perspective. I've been wearing a pair of spectacles not mine, and come to find out, I never needed them in the first place. Ten days to reorient myself. Ten days to become unhinged from all the faulty and full of holes themes. Each nuance an illusion, a trick of the light. Ten days to withdraw from this school I don't belong to. I quit. Ten days notice. Fuck two weeks. See how I throw fuck in there? Because I can. Because I want to. Because I'm allowed to. Just like I'm going to carve my very first pumpkin tomorrow. Just like I sat here drinking a delicious cold beer with my dinner. Just like I'm sitting here listening to a music mix that I made because I like it and don't have anyone to please but myself. And I can sit here and listen to it over and over and over again.... if I want to. Simple TenDays pleasures. And no one else needs to understand the finer nuances of this ten day journey. I don't have to explain it, but it sure would be interesing to hear, I'm sure. Who would dare to ask? Who would care to ask? Who would wonder at the inner workings of mind enough to delve there?

These have been very busy ten days.....