It Has Never Been....

....about me. Not then, when I was born. Not now, as she meanders in and out of herself. I imagine her between realms; this one and some other one.

Today it was dragons and forests and her interactions with them. They speak their own language, something akin to Gaelic. Her voice is soft, her eyes focused on that other world where she seems so much more at home. I sit pressed up against her, my arm snuggly around her, ever aware of her growing fragility. I comfort and stroke, reassure and caress her. I can feel her relaxing. I can feel her soul calming. And we are swirling in that place so very familiar to me. I am reminded of all the years of this very thing...being there for her, in this moment, climbing out of me to be whatever she needs me to be. It's so easy for me. I have this power. I have this empathy, this knowing, for a reason. I used to think that everyone had it. I know better now.

Today I am closer to the surface of my tears and I am glad that she cannot see me well. She wants to be something other than she actually has been. She wants to be remembered as sweet, compliant, good. She doesn't want to be a bitch anymore. We sit and I listen. We sit and I massage her back. Today she knows me. Today I am her Heather. And she remembers all those years as I remember all those years. I can feel it. She remembers how heavily she has always leaned on me emotionally. She remembers how I set myself aside for her. Something in her mind's eye opens to the liquid nature of time and space and we sit quietly until I can feel that she is reassured, that she feels better, calm deep within. My job is done. She kisses me like she did when I was three. I think I will begin to ball at any moment for there is a full circle thing going on here. I know it and she knows it. She probably won't remember it tomorrow. But I will.

I have a headache. Who wouldn't?