I usually do. It's about love. It's about learning. It's about trying. It's about unexpected experiences. It's about leaving or staying and why it doesn't really seem to matter either way. We think what we think. We feel what we feel. It doesn't change until, well, it changes. And that's the journey, I suppose. All the words in my head beg to be released and this is as good a place as any, (though not the best time, but that's the Muse for you!)
I love the way you loved me. I love the way you broke me. I love the way you marched right in and took what you wanted. I love the way you decimated the glass house that was my life. I love the way you stare. I love the quiet insistence on your way is the best way because you believed it was. I love the way you divided and conquered and were never sorry. I love the arrogance in your stance. I love your refusal to own responsibility for absolutely anything. I love your hands. I love the way you tilt your head. I love your anger. I love your energy. I love the way you divided me from my family. I love the way you stood between me and my children making it impossible for them to penetrate your iron walls. I love the way you grill steak. I love your laugh. I love your pain. I love your litany of neverending complaints. I love your gossip. I love your negativity. I love your green thumb. I love your snoring. I love your pissing and moaning about everyone you know. I love your unreasonable mind set. I love your latent sensitivity. I love your tears. I love your music. I love the way you can just insert a new person in your life anytime it suits you to do so and just pick up right where you left off without missing a beat. I love the way you never knew how many times I cried myself to sleep. I love the way you never held me. I love the way you never wanted me. I love how hard you tried in everything you tried. I love your words even if I don't believe them anymore. I love your promises, broken and shattered at our feet right next to mine. I love that that is where they belong. I love the loss of it all. I love the bittersweet beauty of time and space roiling about somewhere out there in the atmosphere above us. I love your soul connected to my soul. I love how none of this really matters one goddamned bit. I love this lesson of living, laughing, loving. I love that we took the risk to LOVE each other no matter what the cost. I love it all. I loved loving you through every line I ever wrote and all the reasons that I wrote them. I love the sound of your voice in the memory of yesterday, fading, fading, fading into yesteryear. I love the way you believed your own lies. I love the way that I believed your lies. I love that you are not as strong as you like to think you are. I love that I am so much stronger than I ever believed I was. I love the way we balanced each other in all those quiet, intimate ways that have evaported into the thin mist of loss and memory. I love no regrets. I love our intensity and the way it still ripples through my core in an aftershock of the power that was Us. I love that you have moved on. I love that I haven't. I love that you are over me. I love that I'm still not over you. I love the process of all that you began, oh, so long ago. I love the feel of repercussions reverberating resoundingly in this resonance of now...
Yes, I could go on and on for the words bestirred within me are churning for further change....for in this process of getting over you, I keep bumping into me. Isn't that funny? I suspect that you always knew that would happen and that you always knew I would have to leave....and I'm still leaving.
No comments:
Post a Comment