The InBetween

I ponder this inbetween, such as it is, without relish. It's heavy. It's a burden. It leaves me weakened and forlorn. My head buzzes with all the implications as yet untended, disconnected. I beseech my higher self for the answers to the dilemmas of my discomfiture and know not whenst the answers come. I don't need to know. Waiting can be the hardest damned thing. For waiting seems to take forever but in reality, it's just the right amount of time....everytime. Impatience begets other lessons. This headache means I am on to something I'd rather not be on to. Oh, the heartache I wish to postpone, deny. Requestioning everything. It's what I do....from time to time. And I ponder this inbetween for the lessons that I must scoop up this time...lessons that I, perhaps, overlooked last time. Holding on too tightly for far too long to something that was never really mine to begin with. It was on loan. Things are seldom what they seem. Things, people, scenarios....how do we find our way to here? Is it all mapped out? Some think so. Yet, I'm sure that we are not without choice. Though, it sure doesn't feel that way sometimes. It's all about the journey and what we decide to keep....what we decide to take with us...and sometimes those things are the memories, the lessons, the knowledge...less tangible things but often more Real than material...

I have a longing for something that's gone. I have a longing for a flash of light so brilliant and blinding that I wonder if it was really light at all or just a figment of my imagination. I have a longing for a moment in time cupped InBetween my palms, covered with hers, forming a cacoon of a moment so perfect, like a pearl formed from the pressures and rigors of storm and sea, a cachophony of violent earth action....something that remains a marker in time....Memories altered by time....Memories altered by distorted vision...Memories remembered sweet, just the way I want to remember them....Memories honed in upon, purple hued glasses focusing on just those parts I hold near to me like music and laughter and songs and words and sunlight and warmth and kindness and goodness and generosity and beauty and green eyes immersed within green eyes and powerful souls resonating resoundingly from heart to heart soring above all the physical limitations that confound, confuse and conflict.....to a place that begins from the inside and works its way outward and rises higher and higher....

And so, I let go of the old and the pain and the sorrow and the regret and the worry and the disappointment, the hurt and the angst and the anger and the fear and the loss for the sake of holding on to....

The InBetween....

I scoop the InBetween, handful to handful, filling my satchel with the sparkling chyrstal memories of a love so sweet, unique, one of a kind because it was mine and it was hers...it was ours...and I place it upon the shelf InBetween all the others of my favorite books of memories kept ever so lovingly, cherished InBetween Love's Anchor and Dreams..

InBetween me forevermore.....